Growing Old Disgracefully - July 2018

OK so this month I want to talk about highs and lows of life and how I manage them.  

Who said retirement was the time of your life when it's time to sit back, maybe enjoy a hobby, cooking or whatever floats your boat, well, whoever they were, they were wrong.  In reality I struggle with making time for everyone, by this I mean my Husband Chris, I am semi retired and work from home as a Self Employed Dog Boarder, a Mother and a Grandmother.  

When I retired from paid employment I had a vision.  So picture this - waking up in the morning, enjoying my first morning coffee in bed, followed by my next two cups at the breakfast table reading the newspaper while enjoying seeded toast spread with manuka honey, walks along the beach with Chris hand in hand, stopping off for lunch where ever our fancy led us, then cosy nights in watching our favourite soap's on TV with a TV dinner and a gin and tonic, oh and lets not forget the holidays abroad and here in the UK with our dogs, all the privileges of Grandparents rights's like letting the kids stay up late, eating too many sweets and not enough veg, but no, this isn't my reality, instead, this IS my reality.

My Reality

My own dogs and boarding dogs have the run of our house, (yes my fault I know) which more often than not involves them sleeping on our bed with us, or should I say, we are allowed to sleep on OUR bed with them.  This manifests itself by either not being able to sleep due to lack of room (yes dogs also sleep like starfish) or by just being too hot, oh I need to add the menopause in there :)

Then there's the occasional sound of running water, just as I have dropped off, oh no, it's not water, it's a dog peeing!!! 

Then the having to get up at some stupid

time of the morning to let the dog's out for their morning business, then their breakfast, I down a cup of lukewarm coffee before the dog's are walked.

And then my day begins, it could be one of the Grandchildren needing to be looked after, taken to nursery, picked up from school, visiting the children and grandchildren in Kent, one of many hospital or doctor's appointments, customer's to visit, customer's vising us, possibly time to visit a friend but never time for myself and Chris as a couple.  It's one thing living and working together, but quite another thing spending good old quality time with each other, as when we have the opportunity we are either completely knackered and want to shut ourselves away or, wait for it, yep, a phone call " mum", yep you got it.

I have come to realise that I need to start sharing my frustration at the lack of the time I have in my life and the absolute pressure I feel under with the constant stream of guilt of not being able to manage everything and give time to everyone, especially at the same time. When I was much younger and my children were small I prided myself on my belief that "we" could have everything, but not at the same time, so what's happened, why am I so hard on myself now.  Thinking about this, I honestly think it's the word RETIREMENT.  It conjures up a picture of hours of free time, baking cakes with the grandchildren, babysitting and singing nursery rhymes, no, this is what I did with my own children, also with my Grandchildren, but now it should be more about my time.

My personality is naturally highly motivated, I like everything in it's place, with a place for everything, my house to be clean and tidy, my makeup and nails to be just so, unfortunately grooming isn't something I have lots of time for though these days.  I still love to cook and bake, make preserves and alcohol and to craft a whole array of projects.  So naturally frustration rears it head quite a lot these days.

I also have my You Tube Channel, decided to start my You Tube Channel as a new platform to put my head in another place, a new focus, and I really enjoy it, I love the communication and interaction between me and my subscribers (friends) and other content creators.  My face book page, Instagram and Twitter are all other mediums I really like being involved with.  

So what am I going to do 

I'm going to stop myself in my tracks and take a few minutes to remind myself it's ok to say NO.

To sit down with a cuppa and really focus on this time and enjoy it, if I was in paid employment I would enjoy my tea breaks, so just because I work from home why should I deprive myself of this time out.

If the bin hasn't been emptied, does it really matter, I can do it later, or if I see fingermarks on the french doors from the grand kids, do I really need to get the glass cleaner out there and then, no, just remind myself that one day those tiny finger prints will one day be big hand prints, so enjoy looking at them.

Time Management

It's time to enjoy the good things we have created, enjoy the time I have with my partner, and to divide my time between everyone and everything I hold dear to me.  So, i am going to say NO sometimes, Chris and I are going to set aside one whole weekend per month just for us, and if we are asked to do something we prefer not to do, then we will simply just say NO this weekend is "our time"

If this helps you in any way to rethink how you could manage your time, I would love to hear from you.

My Checklist

take time for a tea/coffee for time out

do something you like doing

make time for yourself

enjoy family and friends

live in the moment

plan small goals

Love as Always

Lesleyanne x

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